life has somehow gotten so wretched these days.

no more. no more problems, no more troubles, no more worries, no more pining. i don’t want to hurt you any further. sunday night scared me. i have never witnessed a grown man cry so bitterly in my entire life. i heard the sound of his heart breaking. it was more chilling than glass, more brittle than eggshells, sharper than a dagger, and yet my heart breathed its last before his did.

have you ever cried so hard it feels like your head’s either about to cave in or burst out? like nothing in the world matters anymore. your breathing is short and rapid, and you’re gasping for breath like you’re drowning. drowning in a goldfish bowl, in a world of suffocation and low oxygen levels. you’re more than overwhelmed. you’re struggling for air in an oxygen-deprived world, where everyone’s face is blue and blood no longer flows.

never have i felt so betrayed, so hurt, so angry, so frustrated, so sad. and i can no longer face you.

i don’t know how she can take my trust, manipulate my faith and destroy her friends who have known her since she was four.

but it’s okay. it’s over, and i will put it behind me. for i am stronger than that. to be honest i’ve had enough of malaysia. even though kl is my first choice, i think i would really rather go to australia now. as sian says, there’s really no place else in the world that people [in the service sector] will actually do that. i’ve had enough living in a place where consumers are treated so poorly. if singapore is not a gracious society, then malaysia is far, far worse. maybe i’ve just gotten used to the sweet nature of canadians or the english. well maybe not all english *ahem ahem*

i’ve been writing, but of late i’ve been writing in so many different places it’s a little hard to catch up. anyway. it’s time to get into the groove. from now on, life’s gonna get exciting :) can’t wait for school to be out. 2008 promises plenty, and i intend to squeeze it for all it’s worth.

i miss you lord. please lead me back to you. you’ll still always be my numero uno.