friday night. i just got off the bus at 9.30pm from singapore to kl, and was in search of a ticket from kl to penang. normally these touts would be all over the place, screaming ‘butterword‘ or ‘pinang’. for some reason, there were no such shouts on friday night (although i did hear a ‘butterword’) but they were all at 12mn. then i saw this girl who was also going to penang. “penang ada?” and i went “ooo” and decided to follow her. yes stalker much. so i followed her to different counters in pudu, then followed her across the road from pudu, and watched as she bought her ticket while planning to rob her. ok no just kidding. and i bought the ticket also lo since there really was just one bus -.- and at 35 ringgit.

i didn’t know it was the start of the school holidays in malaysia, and it was really difficult to get tickets sigh. normally it’ll be 27 ringgit for a normal coach bus to penang, but this time it was 35 ringgit for a lousy 4-seats-in-a-row bus sighhhh. which stank to high heaven. it also stopped at kota raya for an hour before even moving its sorry ass.

so anyway, we had lots of time to kill and she headed to the 24-jam kfc opposite pudu. and i followed suit. hehe. omg i am such a good stalker because she hadn’t noticed me at all :P i know this because i told her i stalked her when we were about to board the bus. i went up to her and asked “are you going to penang” lol. yes, this at the risk of seeming like an extremely psychotic stalker at 12mn at a dodgy bus station. but surprisingly she even thought it was cute (o_O the things some people find cute these days) and told her bf on the phone all about me. uhhh okay haha. it was a good ride lah; having someone to talk to on the way instead of having a lonely ride on a scary bus is so much better. hehs. and i made a new friend :D one thing i don’t understand is how we, complete strangers, can talk about everything and anything. even intimate stuff. hahah never underestimate the power of two girls.

i don’t think this was the first time i stalked someone, but er, i can’t remember the last time i did so. haih why am i so creepy!

edit:
a) i hate it how when people have a problem with me, they don’t come clean. instead, i’m left to wonder what i did wrong, and why this happened. i’m really sick of all these. i’d very much rather you spit it in my face than talk about me behind my back. especially since i really like you a lot. i’m sorry i did what i did. what’s the use of bottling up all that hate? why can’t you just address your grievances with the person you have a bone to pick with and give him/her the chance to defend him/herself?

b) please don’t hear things and assume them to be true. what happened to something called brains? i know who you’re talking about, but i don’t know why you think she’s me. i don’t know how it happened, but i think it’s got something to do with what l said, and also your own jumping to conclusions. i understand where you’re coming from, but coming from someone your age, i would think you would know what graciousness means.

c) you’re pretty and have a good voice and you might be a wonderful girl, i don’t know, but i’m sorry that this had to happen with a stranger. i hate all your drama and i hate to be caught up in all of it. you seem like a nice enough person, but all that you do just screams immaturity, ingratitude and ignorance. little miss caught-up-in-her-own-world, i never wanted to have anything to do with you.

d) i’m sorry the difference in concepts of ‘like’ and ‘love’ are so foreign to you. so many things have happened and although i call you a jerk, i still believe that underneath it all, you’re a good person. i do love you as a friend, dearly, but it’s impossible for me to even like you anymore. all along i’ve treated you as a younger brother, being influenced by your cousin. in my eyes, you are her are perfect, and if anything, i wished nothing better than for you both to continue being together. indeed, perhaps i never really knew you. i’m sorry you had to change. too many people, too many lies, too many times.

e) whatever lah. i want nothing to do with you or your family anymore, all three hundred and fifty of them. it’s been very tiring can. you’re the one i’m hurting the most, you’re the one i regret hurting the most. but unfortunately i don’t have a say in this. you know me, you know i will not accept this with a clear conscience. something has to be sacrificed, everyone has a price to pay. although it’s really not your fault, i never pulled you into this. it’s just too bad you had to be sucked into this evil tornado of deceit, lies and betrayal. you’re one i never wanted to lose, but had to anyway.
/edit

i love it when i’m outside with a friend, getting up to our usual antics, and end up making a stranger smile at our silliness. a smile is such a great thing to induce, which is precisely why i love poking fun at others. some are able to tahan it, but some have no sense of humour whatsoever, which results in a rather awkward moment hehe. oh well.

i do suppose happy people do attract people. i’m always happy to be around a happy person, but while withdrawn folks may scare people away, i think i unknowingly try to do my best to make them smile. it’s like those soldiers you see outside palaces. they have a stern/serious face, and people keep trying to make them have some sort of expression. when i was in kl we went to the sultan’s palace and you know, there was this soldier in red on a horse. I SAW THAT SOLDIER SMILE!! hahaha some guy wanted to put his kid on the horse heheheh so cute la. in canada, we never let people sit alone at dinner. anyone sitting alone at dinner had to join our table. kind of reminds me of lilo and stitch. ohana means family. family means no one gets left behind. or forgotten.

there’s this online friend that i have on my msn, and her dog just passed away. maltese, 12 years. at first she made me really sad and i didn’t know what to say, but then she showed me her dog on her display pic, and i tried to cheer her up. loss is something i had to deal with at an early age, and i know that death is part and parcel of life, and that God put me through so much to make me the person i am today. but i didn’t want to be numb. in the past, i told myself to be strong, to be emotionless, to be the iron man that others aren’t. then i realised i didn’t want to be that person, to desensitise myself, to lose fundamental feelings that maketh a man. i wanted to feel, to be able to empathise, to be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes to be passionate about a cause, but yet not get too emotionally involved or affected. as i grow older, i think i’ve finally managed to somewhat succeed. it’s hard, especially when you’re a female, but it’s plausible. crying is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of realisation, of a connection within you that has changed its wiring, of a beginning that you’re starting to accept new things and surroundings. a sign that you’re growing even more, even stronger, even hardier.

what do i say to someone who’s just lost her loved dog of 12 years? i’m not a pet owner; i can hardly empathise. but all grief is both similar and different. they have their roots in loss, in longing, in pain. this is a powerful emotion that can bring the strongest man to his knees. but every connection between lives is different, and it’s impossible to stereotype grief and read it like a textbook. everyone has their own way of coping with grief, and for her, she’s been keeping to herself and refusing to talk to anyone about it. i don’t know why she told me about it, especially since i’m just an online friend who’s not really close to her, but i’m touched. i thought she would be defensive and not really take me seriously, but she did, and indeed, i can’t affect you without you affecting me. happiness is a perfume you can’t spread without getting a little on yourself. if not more. when will people learn that grief is okay? it’s natural, it’s a perfectly healthy process after a loved one’s demise. take things at one time; there’s no need to rush. “don’t cry because she’s no longer with you, but smile because you had her love & company for 12 years.” it’s like the end of a romantic relationship, but with death, it’s never the end of a relationship. it’s a beginning of another phase of your relationship. one that can withstand long distance without contact, one that can last all eternity. what you have now, is so much better than what you lost. you’ve had fond memories, her legacy, her offspring that remind you of her. and you know that she’s still with you. when a loved one dies, she stays with you in your heart forever. she’s never really gone from you.

(and then there’s all that usual stuff about her being in a better place, back to her maker, only a matter of time before you see her again. false promises, i call them. i believe in god yes, but not everyone does. to push my beliefs onto someone else by force? not going to do much for her grief. i don’t do false promises that i am unable to guarantee. i am not one to honour this promise. i speak of logic and perspectives.)

when my grandma died last year, i didn’t feel as sad as i thought i would. i felt that my mum and aunts were selfish to keep her alive for so long. she’d been groaning in pain for so long, and still they kept her alive because they wanted her to be with them, just a little while longer. selfish is what it is. they made her go through painful chemo sessions and even considered operations that they knew she couldn’t take because of her weight. by the end of it all, she had lost all her long, shiny, black hair and was nothing more than skin and bones. she didn’t even remember me, or her daughters. what is the purpose of keeping her alive? does it make you happy to see your own mother in such a state of pain every single day? why do the authorities not see the humanity in euthanasia?

speaking of euthanasia, the aforementioned friend had her dog put down by euthanasia. i think it was for the best, since her dog had kidney problems, and was in great suffering. my friend had to cut short her overseas trip and rush home to see her dying canine. i’m not a pet owner, as i mentioned earlier, and i support darwin’s theory of evolution, and so to see how animals have better treatment in terms of choices than us humans is just mind-boggling. but this is not an entry about euthanasia, and i shall not go into it at length.

i don’t mind making a fool out of myself as long as people are happy. i do say the darnest things sometimes, which also includes putting myself on a pedestal to have people laugh at my narcissism. even something simple like holding the door open for others makes me warm inside. i’m really not all that complicated. a simple smile, a simple gesture of appreciation is enough to make me happy. that is precisely why i want to do something humanitarian as a career. i am in pursuit of my own simple happiness, and it stems not from eros but from phileos and agape.

would be a heck of an understatement.

kl trip was quite bad, but i managed to do lots of shopping, and made new friends, so all’s good. anyway i’m back home in singapore now, just waiting to see when i have to go back to penang.

anyway. nice bus ranks with the worst coach buses i’ve ever taken. granted, it’s masqueraded as a luxury bus based on its price (which is probably the most expensive from kl to sg) and the fact it has something like a steward, but it is really worse than one of those buses i take from penang. like eltabina or konsortium. even causeway express is so much better. chien, you and your great recommendations. i took the 12.30pm nice ++ bus from old ktm stesen to singapore on 20th may. (i would really give it a horrible ++ rating.)

number one. there is no leg space. the elderly woman in front of me reclined her chair, and yay, no space. obviously if i’m taking a coach, i’ll have a lot of luggage. since you have a powerpoint in your bus (one plus point, yes, but what’s the point if it’s too cramped to use your laptop?), you should expect that people will bring laptops on your bus. well guess what, the woman almost crushed my laptop when she reclined her seat. mind you, my seat was already reclined, aka it was the maximum space i could get. and guess what? there is no overhead compartment to stow your handcarry. so all your stuff is with you on your seat. great minus point here since i was carrying a lot of things. sure, it’s okay if you don’t carry a lot of stuff, but when i travel inter-state or inter-nation, i would expect that people do have luggage and handcarry.

number two. compare this bus to other luxury buses WAY below their price. there is simply no comparison. this is a 26-seater, and it’s already the most luxurious bus they have. there is simply no comparing this to a 18-seater because let’s face it, this bus rides like a normal 40-seater coach bus. it’s so uncomfortable on the seat, if there was a railing i’d rather stand and hold on to it.

number three. price. of course. for the price of 80 ringgit (or more, i can’t really remember) a ticket, you would expect this to be a much better busride than the other cheaper alternatives. wrong. please take other buses that are priced at less than rm30, because you will get the same level of comfort.

number four. it is a direct bus. now this may seem like a plus point for many people, but for me, it is a big no-no. this means i have to get down at a certain point, because it will not stop anywhere else. and they take the second link, so you can’t just run off at woodlands. the problem with singapore is that coach buses do not have fixed points to stop at. it’s not like oh, penang you always go to both butterworth jeti and sungai nibong bas stesen. oh kl, it’s more often than not puduraya. in singapore, you can stop at a variety of places. there’s golden mile complex, boon lay shopping centre, copthorne orchid hotel, that place at lavender which i don’t know its name etc. and there are two ways. if you go by second link, you cannot stop there and take a cab like you can via woodlands.

number five. in-bus entertainment. well there was no selection. there were about two working channels, and only one movie was being played. you cannot choose the movie to watch, and there are absolutely no games to play. no console, no games. i didn’t recognise the movie, and the screen was jumping like crazy, not unlike two crazy humping rabbits, so i didn’t watch the movie. i wouldn’t want to subject my eyes to that kind of torture. not to mention the small screen.

number six. nice bus advertises that it has a host (like the air stewardess-equivalent) that serves you ‘free’ coffee and food. i don’t know about you, but i’d rather not pay rm50 for a host to serve me stale pastry and cheap coffee. sure, the driver helps put your luggage into storage, but so do many drivers of cheaper coaches. the driver could not store my luggage properly yesterday and it fell. if you don’t have strength, let me do it lah. don’t so gey kiang. i don’t want you to break your back, or worse, anything inside okay?

lol. snigger snigger.

conclusion. TOTAL RIP OFF. please take other buses like five stars, aeroline, transtar or grassland. i personally recommend five stars’ 18-seater. taking it from singapore to penang takes luxury to a new level. in a record nine hours. normally if it were a normal coach that cost less than rm30 i wouldn’t have bothered typing this. but this is a rip off that costs rm80+. read the comments here to read more on their substandard service and inflated prices. ok this is a very lopsided review, but you know what, i really couldn’t find anything good about it, hard as i tried.

i wonder why i can’t write anymore. all my posts on this site are crap. hell, i don’t even know why i have to password protect so many things. what happened to that heart-on-sleeve style blogging? died out, for sure.

i love kl at night. the cold air and the empty streets. the garish lights on the lamposts in the shape of a hibiscus. the twinkling smiles of menara kl and petronas twin towers. the sunway pyramid style glow of some buildings. a tinge of familiarity mixed with phobia of a foreign land into a cocktail of apprehension that adds only to the mystery and allure of this strange city. wilayah persekutuan. jalan maharajalela. names that i can never pronounce accurately on first go. we have so much in common yet we’re as distinct as chalk and cheese. malaysians are a weird and wonderful people. the more i know about them, the less i really understand them. compared to them, we gen-y singaporeans are so culture-less. how many of us can proudly say we can speak hokkien/cantonese/teochew/hakka fluently (no, expletives don’t count)? yet we often pride ourselves for our proficiency in english(but i have expounded too much on this topic. need to let it out all at one go in the near future). big deal. malaysians can speak three languages fluently, and multiple dialects to boot. well, of course i know many bananas in malaysia, and chinese-malaysian accents crack me up all the time, but it is precisely these little idiosyncrasies(and so much more; i could go on and on) that make malaysians nothing less than fascinating. let’s not even get started of the proportion of lengluis to yandaos in this country. one more thing: if anyone calls me ah moi again that guy better have insurance coverage. it’s not going to be pretty.

kuala lumpur does not hold as many good memories than it does bad ones for me, and it’s proving to be quite a mix this trip. i shall refrain from commenting much on this trip other than this fact for now. two more nights left in this city. i intend to savour it.

ok i know i have a lot to update BUT.

i’ve been waiting so long to bring you home!

(click to enlarge)

AHHHHH I’M SO HAPPY I FINALLY GOT MY HANDS ON YOU!!
you are simply gorgeous :)

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yes, it reads CHRISTMAS*** ♥ ZERITE.NET
man, just can’t stop smiling. tsk.

that does it. that totally takes the cake.

i am never ever cooking for myself ever again. god i can’t even fry eggs without making myself sick. no more. however, if you hate someone terribly much, feel free to engage my services :) or just, you know, don’t incur my wrath.

the service in singapore is horrible. absolutely disgusting. hey, they can compete with penang taxi drivers! see the lands of the hokkien speakers have lots in common. speaking of hokkien, i watched broadway beng on sunday night, and it was lovely. didn’t understand a word. yeah sorry i belong to that new generation of singaporeans who cannot understand or speak hokkien. buay hiao tia & buay hiao kong hokkien wei. solly ah. which brings me to the topic of roots and culture but it is far too nice an afternoon for me to want to ruin it. not that it already has been ruined enough, with me puking out my breakfast of fried eggs. on the kitchen floor.

there. i just ruined yours too :)

feeling too bloated and grumpky (grumpy+cranky) to continue on. so later. maybe it can be a new category hehs.

UPDATE: so i was asking a friend to help me get some stuff from g by guess and he was making a big hoo ha about its name… and i didn’t even notice although i’ve known that brand for quite a while now. don’t get it? read the name again. guys *roll eyes* well to think of it, if they really launched gbuy by google…. well i think it’d have been quite a hit in the chinese market.

site updates: literatti has finally been set up, please go have a look if like me, you think some books are worth lusting over. wishlist has been created too, but it’s only for my own guilty pleasure. the font has also been enlarged for easy reading. the about me section will be updated soon zzzZZZ/end UPDATE

someone told me my blog was very wordy. eh hello how long have u been reading my blog ah mister? now then you realise i’m wordy, a bit too late eh? didn’t know you were that slow >D anyway yeah i’m wordy. that’s me. can’t help it. have been writing like this since 2001.

i’m getting really, really irritated with someone else. there’s no right for you to attack/insult/criticise me when i don’t want to do things your way. i have a choice and please respect that fact. don’t think you know what’s best for me because you clearly don’t. and this isn’t even teenage angst, dearie. you need to respect others before others can respect you. why do older people always think they’ve learnt enough and are always right? these people are the saddest kinds of adults, really.

finally got my lazy ass down to the post office to get the package. i got the pink card last week (but stamped 23 april) and it states that it would be returned to the seller in 15 days. in malay. which i had to get my flatmate to translate for me. anyway today was the 16th day = =” not my fault lah i didn’t know government buildings don’t open every first and last saturday of the month. i smsed s and said i wouldn’t be able to get it in time and he said “it’s okay. when i get it back i’ll send it again.” wtf you got too much money ar?? but okay lah make me feel guilty only. so i got it lo. thanks a lot la =) will let you know how it is when i try it out hehs.

sorry i fell asleep watching iron man. not that the movie was bad or anything; i wouldn’t know, but i think it was the medication i took this morning!! okay.. sorry lah. don’t angry :D sigh that wasn’t the bad part. the bad part is……. i am back to being a mushroom. as in mushroom head T_T tell you ah, i am never letting guys cut my hair ever again. they are so rough my poor scalp must sayang now tsk. i don’t think i’ve ever had a guy cut my hair… other than those normal er, effeminate types. seriously they are the best hairdressers. ok la so no more guy hairdressers unless they’re effeminate. pfft. ok this is going to sound really really sad, but i beat my highscore on tetris twice (level 18, 10k+!) while i had my hair done. sigh why am i so loser-ish?

and i’m kinda obsessed with dogs right now. anyone who knows me will know that i’ve hated dogs for quite a while. but webcamming with jy today, seeing her wtfexpensiveSGD1k dog just made me want a dog so badly. but then i’ve always thought of that as superficial, you know? like who are we to own a pet and proclaim this life for our own? but in many ways isn’t god doing the same thing? but we are not god what. argh sorry for the nonsense shall mull over it for a bit tomorrow since it’s super early in the morning now…. and i bet i’m still under the influence of that stupid drug >.< and the title, by the way, is a crappy movie that i fell asleep watching. i can’t even remember who i watched it with. yeah it was crappy because i didn’t understand the big hooha with man-dog relations lah. not in that way you sickass.

Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient
For me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh
My provider
His grace is sufficient for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to his riches and glory
He will give His angels
Charge over me
Jehovah Jireh cares
For me, for me, for me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

i have figured out my next step :) it was so sudden… like i was standing out in my small balcony and singing ‘jehovah jireh’ softly to myself, said a small prayer, and then it hit me. now i just have to finish my exams and let god do the rest. amen.

i love balconies. those balconies with open air roofs where you can lounge about, the ones you see in hk dramas so very often. i wish i didn’t remember the party on the rooftop of the guesthouse in khao lak though, even if the moon was gorgeous that night.

anyway, yesterday was kinda horrible (and i got one of those breathing attacks again - this time i tore down part of my curtains T_T). i am so thankful for my cousin who is actually sampat enough to ask what happened. we’re not exactly close but i think we share a bond that we don’t feel with the rest of the cousins (not that i have many but still) :) i love you cuz!!

regarding these two people, i think i’ve resolved the issues. hollie was the second one i referred to, and after what happened last night the only person i wanted to speak with really badly was her. i remember meeting her in philosophy class and was rather apprehensive. she’s a hot blonde who just looks at you and you can literally feel her stares boring into you. which is more than a little intimidating. beautiful and shy hollie. we’ve become best friends throughout the year and the person i miss most from canada has to be her. she doesn’t speak much, and may not know what to say regarding my numerous complicated situations, but she’s always there with a listening ear and a heart and i love her so much for that. she can always count on me to be honest, and i can always count on her to be there for me. despite all my whinings. i’m sorry for the outburst babe, you know i’ll always love you despite your irregularities like your asian fetish haha :P

my god shall supply all my needs according to his riches and glory. he will give his angels charge over me. jehovah jireh cares for me, for me, for me. jehovah jireh cares for me.

:D