don’t read until you’ve watched fated to love you.

they really shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place! the nainai shouldn’t have blackmailed him to marry her la. why liddat. fine, the mistake was made but why did they just aggravate that mistake? it’s not fair to either party. you can see that he really loves anna but is slowly falling in love with xinyi. which reminds me of the pm’s speech about matchmade indian couples gradually falling for each other. you always hear them say ai qing shi bu neng mian qiang de but it’s only if you make up your mind never to fall for that person. because you can really just love a friend, and end up caring for him or her for the rest of your life. there can be dedication without intense, passionate love, ever. this is really a blow to romantic idealists anywhere. no need to search for mr right la, just pick any guy off the streets and you can just make yourself fall for him.

why glorify love, when you know that people often find their “other halves” in places like schools, workplaces, and other areas where people go daily. most people have thought more than one person that mr right, and every time at that instant it feels so right. emotions cannot be trusted la can. why take a long time to find love when love is only a matter of whether you want to take that chance and chat up that guy sitting in the other booth. so many people have gotten married for much less. love is bloody overrated.

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新三从四德：太太出门要跟从，太太命令要服从，太太错了要盲从；太太化妆要等得，太太生气要忍的，太太花钱要舍得，太太生日要记得。

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从16岁那年开始接触西班牙文，我就一直担心自己的华文水平会和朋友们一样开始足渐降低。毕竟，我的一生当中，看的华文书2只手都数得完。虽然我的母语不是我最喜欢的语言，但能讲华语、能写中文也是件让我感到自豪的事。以前就是因此而开始了自己的中文部落格；不过和其他部落格一样，我也遗弃、荒废了。我虽然也很想用其他语言去试着写日记，但最想要的是能保持一个完全中文的部落格。至今我还是深怕自己会和这丰富的历史、这美丽的语言、这属于自己本根的文化失去那种亲切感。我在加拿大念书的时候，一位巴哈马来的女生就说我 “外面是黄色的，里面却是纯白的”。这可让我大吃一惊！我以自己的种族为荣，永远都不想和那些觉得自己生活在西方国家就是半个白人的人扯上关系。和朋友去唱K,有时候也很尴尬；因为有的字我会念错，我识的歌，大多数都是老歌。就连一次在朋友的部落格上留言，她都说很惊讶看见我写中文 = =”

记得小时候不懂事，和一家ang moh派的亲戚住在一起后，就对自己的种族感到奇怪。我明明是讲英语的，那我一定不是中国人而是英国人！还好我小学上了华校，如果我去了那些著名的英校，后悔就来不及了。即使是今时今日，周遭的朋友都对自己无法讲华语的“功能”感到自豪，对中国文化感到反感，华文考不及格才感到自己赶得上潮流。这正是许多新加坡年轻人的态度！虽然我不是其中之一，但还是有朋友打赌说我以后一定会嫁给老外。毕竟华族男子都无法接受牙尖嘴利的女友（一个好例子就是我国著名博客下雪 - 她的现任男友正是美国人），思想开放的女生。有越来越多新加坡男生选择和中国/越南/马来西亚的女生成亲，而新加坡女子就喜欢搭上白人。住在马国一年了，虽然接触的马来西亚人不算多，但是认识的女子可都是奇女子，个个让我敬佩不已。尤其是槟城的非凡女人，不管是十多岁的青少年还是五十多岁的阿姨，都是如此的善解人意，那么的乐于助人，那么的有爱心，可真令我深深地感动。（当然也不能忘了许许多多的男”绅士“啦！）他们具有深深的”妻子知觉“，不顾一切的为自己深爱的另一半付出，为孩子默默地献出自己。这些正是众多新加坡女生所忌讳的（也应该是我国妇女之所以不生子的原因之一）！我想如果自己是新加坡男生，也不会选择一个生活在自己漂亮的泡泡里边，却对什么都有自己窄小无知的意见和怨言，看不起他人的新加坡女生。我年少无知的时候也正是这个样子。（希望现在没那么严重了，拜托！）越是有那种把自我放在中心的态度的女人，就会越瞧不起人，态度也就越差。男人当然也一样，认为自己有钱就“大细”，侍应生服务员都要听他的，把自己当作皇帝来伺候！也难怪我国的服务业水平比性感女郎的领口来得低。

一直以来，我都把自己当成新加坡华人(Singaporean Chinese)，但正确的说法因该是华族新加坡人(Chinese Singaporean)。真的不知道是要选

1）自己是道道地地的新加坡人，对中国没有什么认识或忠心可言

2）自己是中国华侨，新加坡也只是祖宗移民的新居所。对这里留恋，有归属感真要归功于政府。

我的籍贯是客家，很自然的就是到处过客、四海为家了。所谓的 “wanderlust in my genes” ;) 没家拿天来做棉被咯~ 有时候有灿烂的星空做被子，但有时候却会尿床哦 :P

有时候真的在种族与国际之间难分忠心 - 尤其是在外国求学时。我们的奥运国家队大多是也是中国那里挖过来的人才，不过我认为如果选手自己选择了在这里安居乐业，度过下半辈子，毫称自己是新加坡人，就算不是土生土长的兰花，我们也应该算上我们的一分子。毕竟新加坡本来是马来人的地方；华人可都不是从中国南下、印度人可都不是飘洋过海、赤手空拳来到本岛？新加坡人喜欢埋头苦读，那其他的都让外劳来做吧！好像在大热天下做建筑，像在运动场上夺奖牌等等~ 我们也没什么好埋怨的。那么排华干嘛？？新加坡也不是唯一一个用中国选手的国家 - 请问现在哪里找不到华人？？只要新加坡人继续有读书比运动来得好的态度，那期待有土生土长的奥运金牌得主就真的是望石成金、守株待兔了。

好了，就此搁笔了。我还蛮喜欢用中文写的！可能会重开秘密中文部落格~ 好期待哦 :)

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omg my chinese sucks. i can’t believe i didn’t even bother to proofread it properly. argh.

sorry i haven’t been updating much. there’s been so much i want to say, but every time i open this thing i don’t know the best way to put it, and as my old english teacher mr N would say - i’m a perfectionist when it comes to words. i like to think of myself as a literary acupuncturist :) which is… really an excuse for not blogging. heh. oh no why did i say it out loud?!

anyway. there are a lot of things that i can’t really say, sadly, in fear that the repercussions might be overwhelming.

i’m going back to singapore tomorrow. i wish someone would tell me what to do. i’m sick of being the one people come to for advice, and have no one to advise me on things because no one can empathise. i wish people would understand. in times like this i really wish my parents would not be so deadset on one option and close their minds to others. how am i supposed to discuss things with them like that? and i desperately need them to understand. my sis is going to osaka next month for half a year, and home will be scary again, just like it has been when she was away in hiroshima earlier. i was at home in july because she was away, but in half a month she will be gone, and i think i will be here in malaysia again soon after. i really don’t know how us humans can love and dislike some people so strongly at the same time. i wish it was as easy as pack my bags and leave. i don’t know what will happen at home, what will happen to me, what will happen at all. i just hope things go smoothly as planned.

god, i really need you now. please, i need help. i hate it when people say “oh she’s smart, she’ll figure things out” and forget that i’m not even out of my teens. i’m just a kid who’s gone off track and needs to get back on. i don’t need these unnecessary complications in my already exceedingly complicated life.

it’s so frustrating that i can’t even say what i want to say properly in my own bloody blog ARGH. people, to read my password-protected posts, EMAIL me.

this entry is about one and a half weeks overdue, je suis très désolée.

yea, i’ve watched it twice. the most recent movies i’ve watched are the dark night, money no enough 2 and the mummy (3). i guess the hype in the blogosphere was too much and i didn’t really think tdk was that interesting. in fact it was conversely very boring. heath ledger reminded me of johnny depp and was probably the best part of the movie. i’m sorry but, why does this show have handsome actors but an ugly main actress? a whole lot of hooha/secrecy superhero shit that reminded me of the-slightly-more interesting-iron-man but it can NEVER, i repeat, NEVA, be compared to the stuff of spidey.

the mummy was bad beyond belief. national treasure-esque but boring as hell. sure the trailer definitely piqued my attention, the plot was interesting but nothing else was. my mind kept wandering all over the place when i watched it ahem, and the movie wasn’t even worthy of my full attention. next.

money no enough 2. honestly i didn’t think i would like it. the first movie was cringe-worthy, and the 2nd one is really made out of the same mould. jack neo always make the same kind of movies, the ones that capitalises on simple, common human emotions (or if i may, in the words of a certain melissalam, peasant emotions) and makes a whole movie that touch commonfolk, something that singaporeans can identify with. movies like i not stupid or home run were very, very embarrassing to say the least. money no enough 2 does not fall outside this genre; it is like just all the other singaporean films. however it does give you your money’s worth. what neo has portrayed are very raw emotions and troubles faced by many in our society today, and he has certainly milked it for all it’s worth. so yeah, i’ll give him credit - it’s very real, very funny and very touching, in a kind of ah beng way. i admit, i think his movies are worth watching purely because they epitomise the thinking of the older generation of chinese singaporeans, and it’s something close to my heart.

after watching it, i just had to take my ‘mama’ to see it too. i knew she’d enjoy it. i didn’t know, however, it’s been 10 years since she’d last seen a movie. i really loved watching it with her, seeing her teary eyes when the storyline hit close to home or when something tugged on a heartstring, hearing her hearty laughter when the hokkien jokes take the spotlight, getting a whiff of that familiar soap and holding on to her arm for warmth and comfort. i haven’t been very nice to her, and given that i haven’t exactly been home much at all, i haven’t seen much of her too, much less go out with her. i know she loves me and treats me like her own kid, and ahem contrary to popular beliefs, i’m not that unfilial.

i just signed up for the 30 hour famine. have never joined it before despite knowing about it for years now. actually i don’t really understand the purpose, but i guess empathy does strike you hard when you experience hunger yourself. shit what have i done oh no.

p.s. please stop saying that i sound like rainie yang. i consider that an insult. I DON’T NEED TO ACT CUTE OK I’M SO CUTE DDI WTF