in penang we used to go down to the night bazaar and buy dramas, RM4 for one piece and buy 10 get 1 free lol. then we’d trade them and circulate them all around. so yes while my miserably meagre 1MBPS maxis (altho not as meagre as portable internet in canada wtf where we yelled at each other for downloading and slowing the speed sigh) internet cannot compare to my 10MBPS i have here in singapore, i was never short of dramas or movies to watch. i’d have hong kong dramas and gossip girl and the l word and little britain and bones and even spongebob squarepants and really any mainstream shows. so while i don’t suppose you can find y tu mama tambien at these night bazaars. (which reminds me, i love how they don’t sell porn. but then again my friend says you have to ask them =.=)  anyway gossip girl is boring. i couldn’t even bring myself to watch the last episode of season 1. blair and jenny parts are nice, the rest are super boring yawn. and how i met your mother has started i’m so happy =D sigh.

my life is so boring. argh december hurry up already! i just hope i won’t be too broke by then to enjoy you *sniff* fat hope la i’m going to be owing money at this rate T_T and next year… where will i be next year? i still want to go all over the place and i didn’t volunteer anywhere this year =( home & life sent me an email about their new website and it made me miss all the little rascals so much (and my god they are natural camwhores. i hope their english is half as good as their camwhoring skills). i miss thailand so much it has almost been a year since i came back from chiang rai. and when will i finally get to backpack in vietnam?? haiya i want to go everywhere.  who wants to come with meeeee??? (backpacking please i live from hand to mouth)

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these few days i cried a lot. when i finally thought i had decided what route i should take, it seems that someone had already decided for me, that it was not to be. don’t count your chickens before they hatch, but who says that ducks aren’t just as good, if not better than chickens? so i picked the ducks instead. i’m still lucky to be able to have ducklings even though my first choice were chicks. but after tonight i realise my first choice should have been ducklings right from the start. why would anyone think the ‘ugly’ duckling is ugly? i think it’s special.

when i was young(er - haha), i’d watch those 7pm dramas while having dinner, (my mom would always scold me because my rice would all be cold by the time 8pm rolls around.) and i thought how awful it was for a woman to give birth to a disabled (mentally or physically) kid. i know dear mrs kan would shake her head sadly and say a silent prayer for the mother and her kid, haha (mrs kan, i miss u!). as i grew older, and been to hospital and homes to do volunteer work, i think these people are really special. some time ago, i went to a friend’s family and saw a very special girl. she was very pretty, and you know she wasn’t like normal folks, but she was very endearing. it made you notice her, a little girl that you normally wouldn’t give a second glance to. it was as if she was attracting you to love her more. she would cry easily, and it really hurt to see her in pain. i wondered if i would be lucky enough to love someone in special need like her one day. always thought that having a special needs kid teaches you more about love than having a normal kid does. if i were to have a special needs kid one day, i’d thank god for choosing me to love and have such a special child. if i have the means to, i’d definitely adopt. not an exotic child for an international family unlike ms UN ambassador a.k.a. show-off, but a precious, special child.

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so i’m back home after half a month. wearing clean shirts that smell like my mama and not the cheap detergent i bought at jusco. being amazed at how fast an episode can download (am watching it right now hehe). don’t have to worry about seeing mice shit among my stuff, or taking the rubbish out to throw while pinching my nose. no loss of electricity or water stoppage here, no way. i guess you never do know how good home is until you’ve experienced worse. but i still enjoy living in kl, despite the loneliness and the dirty, decrepit conditions. i know what this place has to offer, but still, i prefer being away from home. i may have never been really rebellious (like joining gangs or becoming an ah lian) but we really are all rebellious in our own ways. which is a good thing, because hey, conformity is très, très boring.

why did i come home, if i was so happy in kl, or even penang this time? loneliness. the thing about studying overseas is, once school ends, you hardly ever see each other again. more so now that the new school term has started, and suddenly you find all your friends scattered across the universe. unless you’re juan, willing go to hk to look for schoolmates, most people hardly care. who do i know in kl? not many people. even fewer in penang. sure, when you see the starbucks barista enough times she starts to recognise you and might even strike a conversation in broken english, or a random uncle might try to kacau you, but these are not friends. there’s only so many times you can chat on msn before you feel like talking to someone, anyone, and so many times your friends can tell you they miss you and vice versa before you feel like being in several different places at once.

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