i can hear that it doesn’t matter to you whether or not we’re together. i can see that it doesn’t bother you at all. this is what our love has become. a burden, a liability. something that causes pain, but not enough pain to actually mean something. you don’t call or even text anymore. and somehow it’s always my fault. oh, i lost hope since that email. hahah why does that sound so familiar? just stop trying to make excuses for your inadequacies. it just doesn’t mean anything to you. i don’t mean anything to you.

this time i am sticking to what i said in october. you can justify october with your bullshit, i don’t give a damn anymore. because to me it can never be justified. december can never be justified. the fact is you chose everything else over me. you can say all you want, but they will just be mere words. and god knows, i don’t believe in words anymore. because that’s all you have given so far. words, words, and more words. i fucking hate broken promises, and that is why i will never get back with you - too many disappointments. it might have taken a while for it to sink in, but i assure you,  it has. there were many times i wanted to tell you that it’s okay, i’ll wait for you, but i have never succeeded. i simply cannot find it in my heart to forgive you for what you’ve done, because you show no remorse. and to just accept you again and again is just incredibly foolish of me. and i will not allow myself to be hurt by you again. i don’t deserve this; no one does. you are a failure at being a man, being a human, and that is really all i can say to you. everytime i talk to you, i get disappointed. this is not the person i fell in love with, and this is definitely not the person i want to spend my life with. and there is only one reason that is logical, and that is you don’t love me. be it ‘anymore’, ‘enough’ or ‘never did’, i don’t want to know anymore.

i was willing to disregard everything if you could make amends. sure, it was after october and i was falling apart, but stupid me still wanted you back even all that has happened. but no, i just wasn’t worth it. we weren’t worth any sacrifice. i’m not going to be a fool anymore.

are you ok, you ask.

i’m more than ok, haha. i’ve just made the smartest decision in a year.

i really did think i meant more to you. but evidently i’m wrong. because everything will come before me, and i have been, and will always be the sacrifice; the disposable one.

it’s my loss, you say. good for you.

that was the last straw.

goodbye, s. it really wasn’t the wrong name to give you.