diffident i will no longer be.

i remember m telling me about how l (the letter ‘l’, not I) begged her to let him go back to her. and she hated it. why should a guy beg? being the naturally antagonistic person i disagreed with her, and i said why is it a shame to want to pursue one’s own happiness, and why is it a shame to try one’s best to be with the person one loves? she didn’t reply me for a while, and then she changed subjects. i knew she agreed with me, but pride didn’t permit her to admit that.

fuck pride.

earlier tonight i sent someone an email that revealed a lot. as expected, he scoffed at me. but it’s okay. as long as i get what i want, why am i afraid of people laughing at me? they can talk/insult/laugh all they want, but they don’t know the complete picture, and they don’t want to know the complete picture. all they want is to sit in their comfort zone and bitch about every little thing. my email exposed a lot of the vulnerability i have kept hidden for months now. and i wasn’t afraid anymore to showcase these raw emotions. i am not afraid of letting the ones i love know how much i love them, and how much i need them. it is not subservient, it is not submissive, and it is definitely not stupid. it is simply heartfelt. if one who writes is afraid of exposing one’s feelings, then please take your pen and give it to someone who actually deserves to write. why, are you too chicken to identify and deal with your own feelings and emotions?

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in penang we used to go down to the night bazaar and buy dramas, RM4 for one piece and buy 10 get 1 free lol. then we’d trade them and circulate them all around. so yes while my miserably meagre 1MBPS maxis (altho not as meagre as portable internet in canada wtf where we yelled at each other for downloading and slowing the speed sigh) internet cannot compare to my 10MBPS i have here in singapore, i was never short of dramas or movies to watch. i’d have hong kong dramas and gossip girl and the l word and little britain and bones and even spongebob squarepants and really any mainstream shows. so while i don’t suppose you can find y tu mama tambien at these night bazaars. (which reminds me, i love how they don’t sell porn. but then again my friend says you have to ask them =.=)  anyway gossip girl is boring. i couldn’t even bring myself to watch the last episode of season 1. blair and jenny parts are nice, the rest are super boring yawn. and how i met your mother has started i’m so happy =D sigh.

my life is so boring. argh december hurry up already! i just hope i won’t be too broke by then to enjoy you *sniff* fat hope la i’m going to be owing money at this rate T_T and next year… where will i be next year? i still want to go all over the place and i didn’t volunteer anywhere this year =( home & life sent me an email about their new website and it made me miss all the little rascals so much (and my god they are natural camwhores. i hope their english is half as good as their camwhoring skills). i miss thailand so much it has almost been a year since i came back from chiang rai. and when will i finally get to backpack in vietnam?? haiya i want to go everywhere.  who wants to come with meeeee??? (backpacking please i live from hand to mouth)

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