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ramblings about some tw drama

August30

don’t read until you’ve watched fated to love you.

they really shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place! the nainai shouldn’t have blackmailed him to marry her la. why liddat. fine, the mistake was made but why did they just aggravate that mistake? it’s not fair to either party. you can see that he really loves anna but is slowly falling in love with xinyi. which reminds me of the pm’s speech about matchmade indian couples gradually falling for each other. you always hear them say ai qing shi bu neng mian qiang de but it’s only if you make up your mind never to fall for that person. because you can really just love a friend, and end up caring for him or her for the rest of your life. there can be dedication without intense, passionate love, ever. this is really a blow to romantic idealists anywhere. no need to search for mr right la, just pick any guy off the streets and you can just make yourself fall for him.

why glorify love, when you know that people often find their “other halves” in places like schools, workplaces, and other areas where people go daily. most people have thought more than one person that mr right, and every time at that instant it feels so right. emotions cannot be trusted la can. why take a long time to find love when love is only a matter of whether you want to take that chance and chat up that guy sitting in the other booth. so many people have gotten married for much less. love is bloody overrated.

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三从四德

August29


新三从四德:太太出门要跟从,太太命令要服从,太太错了要盲从;太太化妆要等得,太太生气要忍的,太太花钱要舍得,太太生日要记得

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[edit]

从16岁那年开始接触西班牙文,我就一直担心自己的华文水平会和朋友们一样开始足渐降低。毕竟,我的一生当中,看的华文书2只手都数得完。虽然我的母语不是我最喜欢的语言,但能讲华语、能写中文也是件让我感到自豪的事。以前就是因此而开始了自己的中文部落格;不过和其他部落格一样,我也遗弃、荒废了。我虽然也很想用其他语言去试着写日记,但最想要的是能保持一个完全中文的部落格。至今我还是深怕自己会和这丰富的历史、这美丽的语言、这属于自己本根的文化失去那种亲切感。我在加拿大念书的时候,一位巴哈马来的女生就说我 “外面是黄色的,里面却是纯白的”。这可让我大吃一惊!我以自己的种族为荣,永远都不想和那些觉得自己生活在西方国家就是半个白人的人扯上关系。和朋友去唱K,有时候也很尴尬;因为有的字我会念错,我识的歌,大多数都是老歌。就连一次在朋友的部落格上留言,她都说很惊讶看见我写中文 = =”

记得小时候不懂事,和一家ang moh派的亲戚住在一起后,就对自己的种族感到奇怪。我明明是讲英语的,那我一定不是中国人而是英国人!还好我小学上了华校,如果我去了那些著名的英校,后悔就来不及了。即使是今时今日,周遭的朋友都对自己无法讲华语的“功能”感到自豪,对中国文化感到反感,华文考不及格才感到自己赶得上潮流。这正是许多新加坡年轻人的态度!虽然我不是其中之一,但还是有朋友打赌说我以后一定会嫁给老外。毕竟华族男子都无法接受牙尖嘴利的女友(一个好例子就是我国著名博客下雪 - 她的现任男友正是美国人),思想开放的女生。有越来越多新加坡男生选择和中国/越南/马来西亚的女生成亲,而新加坡女子就喜欢搭上白人。住在马国一年了,虽然接触的马来西亚人不算多,但是认识的女子可都是奇女子,个个让我敬佩不已。尤其是槟城的非凡女人,不管是十多岁的青少年还是五十多岁的阿姨,都是如此的善解人意,那么的乐于助人,那么的有爱心,可真令我深深地感动。(当然也不能忘了许许多多的男”绅士“啦!)他们具有深深的”妻子知觉“,不顾一切的为自己深爱的另一半付出,为孩子默默地献出自己。这些正是众多新加坡女生所忌讳的(也应该是我国妇女之所以不生子的原因之一)!我想如果自己是新加坡男生,也不会选择一个生活在自己漂亮的泡泡里边,却对什么都有自己窄小无知的意见和怨言,看不起他人的新加坡女生。我年少无知的时候也正是这个样子。(希望现在没那么严重了,拜托!)越是有那种把自我放在中心的态度的女人,就会越瞧不起人,态度也就越差。男人当然也一样,认为自己有钱就“大细”,侍应生服务员都要听他的,把自己当作皇帝来伺候!也难怪我国的服务业水平比性感女郎的领口来得低。

一直以来,我都把自己当成新加坡华人(Singaporean Chinese),但正确的说法因该是华族新加坡人(Chinese Singaporean)。真的不知道是要选

1)自己是道道地地的新加坡人,对中国没有什么认识或忠心可言

2)自己是中国华侨,新加坡也只是祖宗移民的新居所。对这里留恋,有归属感真要归功于政府。

我的籍贯是客家,很自然的就是到处过客、四海为家了。所谓的 “wanderlust in my genes” ;) 没家拿天来做棉被咯~ 有时候有灿烂的星空做被子,但有时候却会尿床哦 :P

有时候真的在种族与国际之间难分忠心 - 尤其是在外国求学时。我们的奥运国家队大多是也是中国那里挖过来的人才,不过我认为如果选手自己选择了在这里安居乐业,度过下半辈子,毫称自己是新加坡人,就算不是土生土长的兰花,我们也应该算上我们的一分子。毕竟新加坡本来是马来人的地方;华人可都不是从中国南下、印度人可都不是飘洋过海、赤手空拳来到本岛?新加坡人喜欢埋头苦读,那其他的都让外劳来做吧!好像在大热天下做建筑,像在运动场上夺奖牌等等~ 我们也没什么好埋怨的。那么排华干嘛??新加坡也不是唯一一个用中国选手的国家 - 请问现在哪里找不到华人??只要新加坡人继续有读书比运动来得好的态度,那期待有土生土长的奥运金牌得主就真的是望石成金、守株待兔了。

好了,就此搁笔了。我还蛮喜欢用中文写的!可能会重开秘密中文部落格~ 好期待哦 :)

[/edit]

omg my chinese sucks. i can’t believe i didn’t even bother to proofread it properly. argh.

cindy is the first mdg yay

April30


cindy at 1utama last night, credits to chris

like other people have pointed out, her dad has made a worthy investment. i was all “ARE YOU SERIOUS???” on the phone after a friend told me she won. i could hear the dejection in his voice, but hell i voted for her. i was darn happy. i couldn’t wait to see all those retards out there create drama about her win (sure, these retards amuse me, i admit). yes her pictures have not been the best, yes her attitude (and her wealthy father) has made her extremely unpopular, yes she might not be the most politically-correct (ref. to the in du po/ma lai po incident) person, yes she may not be the girl with the best potential in the house… but she definitely has what it takes to survive in this industry. daddy’s wallet does not hurt.

i’m happy that she became the first malaysian dreamgirl. sure it’s sad but to be belting out obscenities is just plain reflective of the uncouth, brainless people in the world. why, does insulting cindy make you any more superior? au contraire, it makes you all the more inferior.

all those people who are scolding cindy and mdg, please get a life. first and foremost it’s a popularity sms contest which has always stated that the one to be booted out will be the one with the lowest votes every week. it is not the producer’s (or crew - poor people) fault that cindy won. sure, if jay was in top 3 i would have voted for her, but i still thought it was really unfair that she got to stay that episode. how can they just change the rules to ensure quality? it’s too late to regret your fundamental rules for the contest, dearies. but nobody gave a rat’s ass because it was jay. what if it was cindy? would you not have screamed bloody murder? talk about being fair.


again, credits to chris

cindy won fair and square. the rules say the one with the most number of sms votes win, so her family gave her support and smsed her to victory. what’s the big deal? no strings were pulled, no foul play. if this is how the game is played, how can you fault someone for playing by the rules? sure, the fundamental theory may not be as fair as one would like it to be, but if you choose to watch the show, you choose to accept however screwed up the show might be. just as you had fun watching cindy’s inner bitch, you’re having fun dissing the poor girl who is just trying to get to the top in the game. this is what models need. resilience. she knows that her blog has been given much criticism, she knows that people are bitching about her bitching (oh nooo, so not ironic), she knows that gaining fans out there is not imperative since her family can support her through the competition. but she is not affected by it at all. she thinks of how to improve/rectify situations (reopening her blog) and does not make stupid moves like evicting people who campaign for her and instead install some stupid guy to eliminate all your support. most importantly: she is not fake or hypocritical (she doesn’t do the dishes and does not pretend she does, she doesn’t like adeline and dares to say it out loud unlike hanis (who thinks jay and herself have the most potential but does not admit that the rest have lower quality. one thing i dislike about hanis is that she tries to bitch, but in a nice way (a.k.a. behind your back a.k.a. two-faced). how much more hypocritical can you get?) and jay (who only dared bitch about others after she’s out of the competition)), she knows the way to play the game and plays it well (she hams it up for the camera (c’mon girls, make good use of camera space. don’t just sit there and eat your dinner. what a waste, and what a bore for viewers)), she calls a stick a stick. she is smart and doesn’t harp much on winning the car, and knowing that the experience is what that counts (or in this case, exposure as well). this matters a lot for those who are serious to be in this line. sure, nadia is another one i like because she’s hot, and she’s bloody hardworking. but she has a one-track mind that focuses too much on the car and winning this competition. if you want to bitch, make sure it will not cause your downfall. so if you don’t have parents that will pump in 16k for you, please tone down the bitching. cindy does not have to because she knows she doesn’t have to count on fans to vote for her. i used to like fiqa but honestly? bitching about an incident where you’re obviously in the wrong is not smart. it makes you seem unreasonable and petty, but again, i like your guts.

everyone has their own favourites, and every single girl in the top 12 has qualities that have enabled them to be there (including ringo mind you). for those people who like blogs because they are straightfoward and frank and yet dislike cindy for her bitchiness, you are the hypocrite. why do people admire friendly, down-to-earth stars? precisely because bitchiness is a necessity for the entertainment industry. if you get affected by it too much, you automatically are at the end of the chain, because you allow others to determine your potential, your ability and your confidence. dear hanis, you’re much too manis to survive in this cutthroat world. and it’s not exactly like your photos shine.

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003 * 28 STORIES OF AIDS IN AFRICA

June8

AIDS – we’ve all heard of it - the staggering figures of infections throughout the world, how to prevent the spread and the need to raise awareness for the disease – our knowledge of AIDS are only to this extent. There is no real need for anyone who is out of the know to want to find out more about AIDS, who it affects and what happens after people are affected. This is the first step to generating an interest about AIDS and only when enough people are concerned will something actually be done about it. Nolen’s book has given the masses 28 chilling accounts of AIDS patients’ encounters with AIDS, and how it has affected their lives. It gives the readers a personal insight as to how this disease has affected them on a one-to-one level.

“People die in their houses because they know that if they go to the hospital there is no one there – they die without even a little Tylenol to relieve that pain because they can’t even afford that.” I read this line with a stinging in my heart. It is truly heartrending to know the conditions of the healthcare industries in Africa.

This book raises many questions that speak to us and our conscience, ultimately. Why is it that the epidemic was first detected it was in the US, and only after several testings did they find it rampant in Africa, where it first emerged? The level of treatment in a First-world and a Third-World country is so disparate that it brings to mind the phrase that ‘some animals are more equal than others’. Does being born in another country deny one of basic human rights that people in First World countries expect? What is being done about AIDS in Africa, and how much are people willing to give to solve ‘someone else’s problem’? Is it really someone else’s problem? How altruistic can we really be? Shouldn’t companies receive hard-earned money for their years of research to find an antiretroviral drug? How much of a social responsibility do we have to give to rebuild someone else’s country?

Indeed, selfish questions like some above have added to the full-blown epidemic of AIDS in Africa. This is a pressing problem that requires intervention immediately, and even though organisations such as Médecins Sans Frontières (MSF) have stepped in to aid with the HIV crisis, there still is much to be done.

Every single story plays on the emotions of the reader – tugging at our heartstrings and making us wonder what indeed is being done for most of the 28 people and similar patients of HIV. Yet a lot of these 28 are strong advocates that have changed the mindsets not only for the people in Africa but also our mindsets as readers. If I were to get HIV, my first thought would be “How long till I die”, but these people possess a tenacity that did not hold them back from accomplishing what they set out to do, or what they can do. People in positions of high authority came out of the shadow and shared how they contracted HIV, and became the best people to speak about prevention. Others such as nurses or doctors work tirelessly to help infected patients in their own ways. Personally, I see how God has been working through many of these patients and what purpose they served. Africa consists of countries with corrupted governments, low standards of living and education, and now epidemics of HIV that does not seem likely to ease up if people still engage in casual sex without any protection. People are also unwilling to speak up and step out to share their story, which is understandable. Even in 2005, when 800 people a day died of AIDS in South Africa, no one liked to say the word. HIV-positive patients who have spoken out are seen in a different light – “the hate and hostility [Winstone] had encountered in his twelve years of living openly with the disease”. As Nelson Mandela said, “Let us give publicity to HIV/AIDS and not hide it, because the only way to make it appear like a normal illness, like TB, like cancer, is always to come out and to say somebody has died because of HIV. And people will stop regarding it as something extraordinary.” Sadly, the shame of the disease is still so great that many continue to deny any possibility that they could be infected even as they display the symptoms, leading to even more infections.

“There are three main external variables in the AIDS equation debt: debt, aid and trade.” This is a vicious cycle that has left much of Africa devastated. Debt has left reserves high and dry, aid has been insufficient and poorly put to use, trade has been susceptible to exploitation (such as sweatshops by U.S. firms such as Nike and Gap). This has left Africa in ruins. Low wages, the very real possibility of contracting HIV and the condition Africa is in has led to the drain of medical personnel to other developed countries such as England. There are not enough people to handle the epidemic. Malawi “lost the equivalent of a whole year of graduates from its nursing colleges to the United Kingdom, and many of those who stayed behind deserted the public system… It wasn’t hard to understand why: the massive workload, the appalling conditions (few hospitals can keep latex gloves in stock, for example), the fact that before ARVs there was nothing they could do for most patients – all that for $100 a month?”

All over Africa there are people with HIV, who, because of cost or logistics, cannot get access to the medicines that would keep them alive. However there are also well-educated, gainfully employed people in Zimbabwe who cannot afford the drugs because the prices have been pushed entirely out of reach by rampant inflation. Moleen knew “she was dying because of an entirely artificial crisis, created by a megalomaniac president and perpetuated by the failure of other African leaders and the rest of the world to intervene.” The solution now is not to try to change the African government, but like the direct need of doctors, implement policies to intervene in the crisis. Although new generations of politicians and healthcare personnel have to be trained and raised, the more pressing problems have to be solved by foreign intervention.

Much of the discussion about the politics of AIDS in Africa focuses on the response and lack thereof of the West, but domestic African policies is just as pivotal. The first response towards the West’s claim was one of denial, and cited racism as a purpose. The governments, especially in South Africa have failed to embrace AIDS. Mbeki, for example, was against ARVs, and suggested that the furor around AIDs was a façade drawing attention away from inequity questions. He had let racism cloud his mind and failed to recognize what his country desperately needs. As Zackie puts it, you cannot let other people’s perceptions and prejudices draw your policy. “There is no doubt that strong leadership is the key to any effective response in the war against HIV… When the top person is committed, the response is much more effective.”
Nelson Mandela’s sharing of his son’s having AIDS made AIDS ‘all a bit more normal, a little less shameful’. The first step is to not be ashamed of your family member who has AIDS – how he will disgrace your family name – but to come to terms with the disease and accept him. Ironically, Mandela did not do much to help or publicise AIDS when he was in office. He could have done so much to help, but he did not. “In 199 ways, he was our country’s savior. In the 200th way, he was not.” The epidemic signifies a human struggle, a failure of leadership (“When historians write about HIV/AIDS, when they write about this period in time, they will ask – ‘Where were the leaders of Africa?’ “)

Ida, one of the ‘savviest, most dynamic AIDS educators’ in Africa had HIV. Doctors, nurses, military personnel, highly educated people who should have known better have contracted HIV and AIDS. Yet the solution to this problem is not quarantine, like we would normally avoid people who confessed what they were a victim of HIV. The social stigma of HIV and AIDS will always be present, but proper education should reach out to the masses to dispel this connotation. Avoidance and stigma show a lack of knowledge and a character that shows the ignorance and narrow-mindedness of the people. Diseases are aplenty in the world, and it would be difficult to not know someone who has an incurable disease even today. Avoidance is not the answer, but rather acceptance and encouragement.

We learn how HIV has affected these people’s lives, and how they try hard to live a normal life. For example, Andualem married an HIV-positive wife and tried to minimise the risk of his child being born with HIV. If I were him, I would give up all thoughts of living, much less marriage or offspring. Some of these accounts display extraordinary courage that some might term selfish. But to me, it is a brave attempt to carry on their lives in the most normal way as possible. Getting the disease is not the end of the world, but a mere turning point. It is up to the individual to decide if this turning point is for better or for worse.

What these people possess are optimistic spirits that proclaim: “A world without AIDS may not happen in our lifetime, but it is possible.” It is one thing to find hope, but another to find hope among such despair and chaos amidst a country with an AIDS epidemic, corrupted government and immorality. Yet as Ibrahim Umoru, who benefited from MSF’s programme puts, “I was a lucky man, but what about everyone else?” We see the lack of knowledge about HIV and AIDS even in Africa herself. We would expect the Africans, who have been most heavily hit by this epidemic, to know much more about HIV than other people out of the loop, especially when it is so close to home. Yet myths and lies such as using condoms will exacerbate the spread of HIV and fat girls do not have HIV unveil the lack of awareness where it is much needed. Religious actions such as condemning the use of condoms in the Catholic faith only serve to worsen the condition of HIV. The ‘A’ and ‘B’ of the ‘ABC’s of protection does not help to alleviate the condition in Africa now given the normal social practices. Even by themselves, ‘A’ and ‘B’ contradict with ‘C’. These are mixed signals that can only confuse the masses in Africa. There has to be a united way of spreading unified information.

One of the stories that touched me deeply was the short but moving story of Mpho. She did not indulge in unprotected sex, she did not deserve HIV or AIDs in any way – she was just twelve. ‘Virgin wives who waited 34 years’ to have sex on their marriage night had HIV, patients who were unwittingly infected with unsterilised needles in the hospital contracted HIV … these people did not deserve to get HIV. Yet they live in a society where HIV is prevalent and they can do nothing about it. Every single day people in Africa live with a higher risk of being exposed to the disease, either through their partners or through shared needles.

Women also get HIV by being with their husbands, voluntarily or not. In the case of Morolake, she had sex with her husband to comfort him although he was confirmed to have HIV. Divorce is almost unheard of in their society, and even if the husband is infidel or marries 2 other wives, divorce is not an option. Her fate is sealed if her husband contracts HIV. “Socially, culturally, religiously, everything around you screams ‘No’ to divorce.” Women make up the bulk of AIDS victims as biologically; they have a larger surface area of the mucosal cells which HIV attaches to. Their genital tissues are also much more likely to tear during sex. “Yet a toxic mix of culture, religion and economics often leaves women unable to do anything about that risk.” Many women also have to exchange sex for trade, right to pass and food. In a society where women’s rights are not widely recognised, it is difficult for a woman to escape this fate of being stricken with HIV and AIDS. There are many areas that ‘this global travesty’ can be relieved, and there has to be a multi-pronged approach to this epidemic. Ultimately it’s not only curing a continent of AIDS or HIV, but also treating the problems that are so deeply rooted in the societies, the societal norms, the leadership and so much more.

The epilogue ends with “Each day in Africa, 5,500 people die of HIV/AIDS – a treatable, preventable illness. We have twenty-eight million reasons to act.” Indeed, this is what Nolen’s book strives to portray. She uses real-life stories to convince people that something has to be done. Each one of the 28 stories speaks for itself. She not only shows us the gravity of the situation, but also why she risks her life to do her job in dangerous Africa and what has to be done to salvage what seems like a hopeless case at standing. All in all, 28 Stories of AIDS in Africa is a plea for something effective to be done, an educational tool to equip people everywhere with awareness and knowledge of how HIV/AIDS has affected patients’ lives, and a strong question for mankind as to what we are really doing to our world. Can we really sit back and watch another 28 million people die before action is taken?

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